The Empty Head Conundrum
by ko-i-shi-te-'ru
Summary: Something happens to the beautiful mind of Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D.
1. Chapter 1

**The Empty Head Conundrum**

**Chapter One**

"I disagree completely!" Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D., exclaimed at his four friends, shifting his position on his side of the couch. "Given the span of time from my birth to his, the processes of evolution, my physical attributes and not to mention my highly superior intelligence, it all strongly suggests that I may either be an ancestor or descendant of Spock."

Howard Wolowitz, ., shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Sheldon, you can't be an ancestor of Spock because that would have given you some genetic attributes of a Grayson or a Vulcan, which you do not have," he argued. "And you can't be his descendant because he never had any offspring."

"You can't just say that. Prove it," Sheldon challenged.

"He died."

"Ah. But remember that inStar_ Trek III: The Search for Spock_, Spock was resurrected by the Genesis Device and thereby suggesting that there could still have been moments where his genes and _katra_, yet again, were passed on. Stop trying Wolowitz, you're out of possibilities."

Howard glared at Sheldon, while Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, Ph.D., blinked back and forth between them. He shrugged. "I don't care if you prove it, Sheldon," he said. "You'll still look more like C-3PO to me."

Sheldon's eyes widened and was about to speak when Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, Ph.D., interrupted, "All right, all right, stop this!" he said. "Sheldon, you can be Spock. Howard, just pick some other character."

"But I want to be Spock!"

Sheldon snorted. "You? Spock? Please," he taunted. "You would have to add at least 5 points to your IQ, have a Ph.D. in this life, and, of course, add several inches to your height."

Howard's face turned red with rage and his fists slammed down his knees. "All right, that's it," he said. "You asked for it." He grabbed the pillow from Sheldon's back and stood up.

Sheldon froze in shock. "You wouldn't," he said, his eyes narrowing.

"Try me," Howard threatened back.

"Come on, guys, can't we play crossovers without getting violent?" Leonard said.

Raj grabbed his arm. "Ssshh! I wanna see what happens!" he said. "Don't be a spoiler!"

Howard twirled the pillow, sneering at Sheldon. "I'm thinking of a new experiment," he said. "I wonder…what happens to a mass of cotton and satin when it's thrown down an inclined plane?"

Sheldon snorted. "That's not a new experiment!" he said. "Everybody knows what will happen."

Howard stares pointedly at Sheldon, holding up the pillow.

Slowly, it dawned on Sheldon what Howard's plan was. "No," he gasped. "Not my pillow!"

Howard rushed outside and threw the pillow out towards the staircase.

"No!" Sheldon screamed, jumping up to catch the pillow.

Howard, Leonard and Raj stared, horrified, as Sheldon tumbled down the stairs, clutching his pillow.

*** * ***

"Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"He's conscious."

Howard and Raj cheered.

"But…" Raj started. "Why isn't he opening his eyes?"

"Is something wrong with his eyes? Did I lose Sheldon's eyes?" Howard pleaded at the attending physician.

"No," the physician said. "He's just fine, nothing to worry about. Just a slight bump on the head."

Leonard leaned over at the still figure of Sheldon lying on the painfully white hospital bed. "Sheldon? Are you awake?" he asked.

"Yes," Sheldon answered, keeping his lids over his eyes.

"Then why don't you open your eyes?"

"I like the dark."

Howard grabbed his hair in panic. "Oh my god, I tipped him over the edge!" he said.

"Shut up, Howard," Raj scolded. "If there's anything in the world that can turn Sheldon into a villainous monster, it certainly wouldn't be a concussion."

"You're right, you're right," Howard said. "I'm just being crazy, my head's all over the air."

"Then remember your law of gravity and shut up," Leonard said.

At this, Sheldon's eyes flew opened and stared at Leonard with a piercing, horrified intensity.

"Sheldon? What is it?"

Sheldon blinked. "Leonard…" he started.

"Yes?"

"What's the law of gravity?"


	2. Chapter 2

**The Empty Head Conundrum**

**Chapter Two**

Leonard cautiously closed the door as he stepped outside of Sheldon's hospital room. He crept slowly, keeping his head crouched low as if afraid to disturb something, and when he heard the door knob click into place, he straightened and faced Howard and Raj, who were mirroring his worried look.

"Ok, what just happened in there?" Howard said.

Leonard shook his head. "I don't know…" he said in a meek voice. "It was pretty scary, wasn't it?"

Raj just nodded, apparently frightened into muteness.

Leonard sat down on one of the hallway benches and stretched his arms out in front of him. "Well, I guess all we have to do now is, wait until he wakes up," he said.

They all sighed, remembering what had ensued soon after Sheldon asked them what the law of gravity was. Sheldon's eyes and mouth began to twitch as he searched his mind for the answer. And on realizing that he couldn't find it, he went into a panic state and began screaming, "I don't know! I don't know!"

The nurses had a hard time trying to calm him down and finally resorted to tranquilizers that sent him off to sleep. All the while, his three friends were watching in dumbfounded horror.

Leonard ran his hands back and forth his hair in an attempt to forget the memory. He stood up and started to walk down the hall without a word.

"Hey, where are you going?" Howard shouted after him.

"To call Penny," Leonard answered before turning in the corner, keeping his back to them.

* * *

"Hey, Leonard, what's up? You gotta make this quick, my boss is staring daggers at me," Penny chatted as she pressed the phone in her ear.

"Oh yeah, don't worry," Leonard said. "I just wanted to ask you a favor."

"Oh. Sure, sure, what is it?"

"Um…well, we're kind of in the hospital—"

"What are you doing there?"

"Sheldon fell down the stairs—"

"Oh my god, is he okay?"

"Uh…" Leonard stalled. "He's drugged right now. He was panicking a bit earlier."

"Then you should've sung Soft Kitty to him. That always shuts him right up."

"Yeah. Penny, before we get side-tracked, I really want you to do something for us."

"Yes?"

"Sheldon's gonna be released tonight and I want you to set-up a few things in our apartment."

"Sure. Tell me what I need to do."

* * *

Leonard and Howard held Sheldon by the arms as they helped him to walk. Raj trailed behind them, staying away from Sheldon. He was uncharacteristically silent tonight and it scared Raj to his hair roots. Normally, it would've been trivia after theorems after "Bazinga"s with Sheldon, but tonight, he was just letting them lead him.

They entered their apartment building and as soon as they reached the bottom of the stairs, Sheldon stopped them and looked down. "Stairs," he said.

"Yes, Sheldon, stairs," Howard said in a "Mary Poppins" voice. "Isn't it cool?"

"Something…about…stairs…" Sheldon said through gritted teeth as his eyes and mouth twitched again.

"All right, all right, we'll remember it soon," Leonard said as he and Howard pushed Sheldon up the stairs.

Raj pressed his shoulder against the walls and slid himself up the stairs, ready to flee if Sheldon goes berserk again. "Are you sure your plan will work?" he asked Leonard in a small voice.

"I hope so," Leonard said.

"What plan?" Sheldon asked.

"It's called Operation Empty Head."

"No! Raj, shut up!" Howard yelled as Sheldon started to shiver in their hands.

"E-empty head?" Sheldon said. "I—I've never been—called—that. My head is not empty!"

"No, no, that's not what it meant," Leonard interjected. "It's a…a—a metaphor."

Howard and Leonard met eyes as Howard confusedly narrowed his eyes and mouthed, "What?"

They reached their apartment and as soon as they appeared in the hallway, Penny came rushing to them.

"Hey, guys," she greeted. "Sheldon, you okay?"

Sheldon looked over at her cautiously and nodded.

Penny raised her eyebrows in mild surprise. "Wow," she said.

"Hey, Penny, is everything set-up?" Leonard asked.

"A-OK and ready to go," Penny said, giving him a thumbs-up.

"Great. Sheldon, stay here for a minute." Leonard, Howard and Raj entered the apartment and slammed the door shut behind them, leaving Sheldon and Penny outside.

Sheldon glanced nervously at Penny.

"That fall really screwed you up, huh?" Penny jeered.

The creepy glancing continued and suddenly Sheldon burst out crying. Penny hesitated and awkwardly patted Sheldon's shoulder. "What's the matter, sweetie?" she asked.

Sheldon sniffled. "I'm—I'm afraid I might have been pulled down to—to your level of—intelligence," he said before succumbing to uncontrollable hiccups.

"Yeah, thanks," Penny said through gritted teeth.

The door opened again and Leonard appeared. "Ok, come in," he said.

"Thank god!" Penny exclaimed and rushed inside.

Leonard looked at Sheldon with a confused expression. "What'd you do to her?" he asked.

Sheldon shook his head and slid past Leonard, into the apartment.

"And why are you crying?" Leonard cried.

* * *

"Uh…Leonard, why are we doing this again?" Howard asked, taking Leonard aside.

Sheldon was seated on his spot on the couch, facing a white board, some theoretical models and a television set-up with a DVD player.

"Well…" Leonard started. "I thought that if the bump made the contents of his brain fall out, maybe we could…push them back in."

Raj suddenly appeared behind them from the bathroom. "Wow. Even in the slums that would sound stupid," he said.

"Well, if anyone else has a better idea—"

"But think of what we're going to try to do here," Howard said. "It's like re-building a media library you've compiled for centuries with no back-up."

"Maybe we could find a USB port in Sheldon's head and just plug everything in," Raj said.

Leonard and Howard looked at him threateningly. Raj cowered down. "Or—Bluetooth," he said in a meeker voice.

"Okay, okay, let's just start," Leonard said. "Sheldon, are you ready?"

Sheldon looked at him. "What are we doing?" he asked.

"We're going to teach you everything you knew before the accident."

Sheldon blinked. "Are you qualified?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter. We're here to help and you should be thankful!" Howard exclaimed.

"Well, for starters, do you know everything I knew before the accident?"

"Well…I think we know most of it," Leonard said.

"Oh dear lord, this is going to be painful," Sheldon wailed.

The phone rang as Howard raised his fist in the air. Leonard stopped him and went to the phone.

"Hello?" he answered. "Oh, Dr. Gablehauser, what a—sur—uh-huh?"

Penny leaned over at Howard. "Who's that?" she asked.

"Our boss," Howard answered, with air-quotes. "Penny, may I say, you smell particularly sumptuous today?"

Penny gave him a disgusted look and began to inch away, while Raj whispered in his ear, "Smooth."

At that moment, Leonard hung-up the phone and nervously went up to them. "We have a problem," he said.

"What is it?" Penny asked.

"Well, actually, it's more of…Sheldon's problem."

"What is it?" Sheldon repeated.

"That was Dr. Gablehauser and he wants Sheldon to…"

"Yes?" Howard said. "Spit it out!"

"Uh…there's a symposium on Friday, part of Physics week…and it will center on theoretical physics…and since Dr. Sheldon Cooper is the 'leading theoretical physicist' in the department…"

Leonard paused. Penny clapped her hands at him. "Ok, hurry it up, Leonard," she said.

"Oh. Yeah, I was…" Leonard stuttered, apparently not sure how to go about telling the news. "Well, long story short, Dr. Gablehauser wants Sheldon to be the guest speaker during the symposium, to talk about some examples of mainstream theories and proposed theories that are currently—being—" Leonard stopped as he watched Sheldon's horrified face looking at him.

"I can't—" Sheldon started.

"It's actually pretty easy, we'll help you. Don't worry about it, we'll have you ready by Friday," Leonard said.

Raj whispered something to Howard and Howard tapped Leonard's shoulder. "Leonard," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow's Friday."


End file.
